2.2 lbs loss!!!! 198.2

I'm so excited about that loss!  I was quite surprised as I've tried to watch what I eat and exericise everyday in some way, I really didn't 'try'.  I didn't track, didn't cook any WW meals, didn't stress, didn't drink a gallon of water everyday to flush everything out, didn't make myself nuts.  I've decided if I don't get below 180 lbs, I'm gonna be OK being me. 

All my life I've felt chunky and bad about myself in some way because I thought I was fat.  EVEN WHEN I WASN'T!  Once in my 20's, I went to a WW meeting (because I was dating an a$$) and I weighed in at 132, and I felt horrible about myself, which only caused stress that I couldn't deal with, so I ate, and ate.  I did lose a ton of weight (and sadly, muscle too) in my late 20's, but I should have never tried to lose it in the first place....  At this point in my life, I just want to fit in my clothes.  I have a man that loves me, I'm really enjoying my life,  and I'm getting to the point in my life that I just want to be healthy.  Not thin, just healthy in my mind and body.  Thinking about weight and what other people think of my weight is for the birds.  I just need to lose the anxiety my weight causes me.....  OMG, reading all this bull makes me want to puke.  I don't really know how I feel....   I just want to change patterns in my life that cause me to make the wrong choices regarding food and exercise.  And I'm really trying.

Tuesday Weigh In today

I feel I've lost a little, not much, but some.  I've walked six days this week, eaten pretty good, and have really tried to stay on track (just mentally - not great at writing down what I've eaten).  So we'll see.....

Changed my mind on December 11.... just way too soon, and honestly, I really can't be stressed out now planning a wedding.  I will continue making plans, but I think a spring or very early summer wedding would be easier to plan.  Neither of us really wants to wait, but we also are very busy people and I want to do the planning myself to keep costs down and other reasons.  I just want it to be especially special and not rushed...

Weighed in Tuesday and saw a 2.2 lb. loss!  I'm not really tracking what I eat, just mentally adding and hoping I fall within a few points of my 25 point total.  I've been walking almost everyday - I took off last Saturday, so that has helped too.  I've never been one to exercise for the enjoyment of it, but I can really tell a difference in the way I feel.  Much more energy, less stress, clothes fit better...all good things. 

Our WW leader quit and took a better job with benefits at a local grocer.  I really liked her even though I had only been to two meetings.  She had alot of useful tips and suggestions such as hungrygirl.com with lots of great recipes with points values.  Her recipes are mostly substitutions of low fat ingredients, but still really good.

One pound. woohoo

Lost 1.2 when I weighed in Tuesday.  Hope to see more of a loss the next weigh in.  Walking everyday, eating much better, drinking water...so I'm doing all the right things.  All together, I've lost 13 lbs since July 6, so I have to be happy about that.  Moving on....

WW and other stuff

I went to the WW meeting last night and weighed in at 204.5.  Since July 7, I've really tried to make better food choices and exercising more.  Apparently it's worked, but if I didn't go to WW or some other support group, I'd surely stop.  I'd have one of those days where I forget I'm fat, then it would be all downhill from there until something would make me snap back to reality.  Anywho, I really liked the meeting and the leader.  I knew her from the gym I work out at as she's a fitness instructor and we've had a couple of conversations.  I've never taken any of her classes, but she's just a friendly type of person and encouraging. 

Hopefully by this time next week I'll know for sure about having the church and can start making real plans as opposed to these plans  in my head.  They don't get checked off.  We've decided on December 11, and while it may be a bit cool outside, my sister and I think a big (make that BIG) tent off the side of the church coming out of the fellowship hall will do just fine with a couple of heat lamps.  That way we can use the fellowship hall and the outdoors will give us more room.  All stuff that can be worked out, but the  I'm having claustrophobic thoughts of 100 people ( really hope it's not more than 60 ) crammed into the fellowship hall. 

I'm so thankful to have a wonderful mother, sister and brother.  My father is a piece of work, but whatever.  I guess if I didn't know the difference, I wouldn't be so thankful for the people who love me.  It has taken me a long, long time to figure that out.

I do!

Yes I do!  And I'm going to say it in front of God and everybody on December 11, 2010.  So I have roughly 3 months and 3 weeks to get this planned.  Woohooo!  Although the date is pretty well set for us, we really want to get married at our church and will have to 'book' it for that day.  So we'll see.  Hopefully by the weekend, we will know if it will be that day. If we can't be married at Jackson Pres., we just might get married in the backyard of his parents house. 

I'm going to go check out a  WW meeting tomorrow night.  I've no idea what to expect and I'm really not sure I need alot of stringent rules right now while I'm planning a wedding, but I HAVE TO LOOK GREAT IN MY DRESS!  When I get one.  And I won't get one until I lose the lbs.  I say 25 lbs before 12/11 is doable.  Starting tomorrow. 

I'm thinking I'll try WW, although I absolutely loathe the thought sharing my fatness with a group of strangers, I just don't know what else to do.  I also hate journaling food.  But maybe, just maybe, it will help me change my attitude and get me motivated to lose the lb's.  We'll see...I'm going to check out a meeting and go next week.  

Dog Days of August

Can definitely tell it's August around here...too hot to do much of anything.  Can't even bear to be outside until after 9 pm.  Haven't worked out in a week, but I'm going to go tonight. I don't feel like I've gained any weight, but I doubt I've lost any either.  My energy reserves get very low in hot weather. 

On the love front:  I'm in it!  And it's great, I tell ya!  Who knew? 
My grandmother passed away last month and the only thing she ever wanted to talk to me about was my stinking love life and I HATED to be asked about it, but now that I have one and would love to share it with her, she's gone.  But I have a good feeling she knows!

What a difference a month makes

I had honestly thought I would never, ever love a man again.  I was in love once a long, long time ago, but things just didn't work out and not that I had given up, no one has ever come along that I have been able to love with my whole heart.  Just didn't happen.  Until this month. 

So much happened in June that made me realize how short life is and if one is going to be happy, NOW is the time.  A long time friend had a boating accident in the Keys and her two little boys were very badly injured, but after several weeks in trauma care and ICU, they're home and healing well.  A very close family friend passed away June 18, and my own granny passed away the next week.   It was just one thing after another, and then, just as quickly, I've fallen in love.  I don't want to waste anymore time.  I've always heard that you'll know when the right one comes along and now I know what that means.   

I did manage to lose 5 lbs since I weighed in at 216.  Still working out and trying to make better food choices. 

Love or something like it

Has a hold on me.  We'll see what happens, but I really believe I'm in real love.  We've known each other since we were ten years old and have always been friendly when we've come across each other....but in the few months since he's started coming to my church, I've come to know him in a different light.  And he makes me laugh.

At square two

I had a date last night!  With someone I've known forever and I really had a great time.  Laughed for two solid hours.  I knew I would and that's why I wanted to go out with him.  Laughter is the best medicine.  We're going out again Friday evening for sushi.!!!  While he's funny and keeps me laughing, he's also mellowed out so much over the last few years and he's not one of those guys that's into any game playing. 

Weighed in at 216 tonight.  The highest I've ever been and not one bit surprised.  What's it going to take? 
My mom had to work at the library tonight from 6-8 so I made a point of driving her so I could work out for the two hours she was there.  That's a start.   Now I have to curb my eating. 

I hate journaling food and I won't do it for more than a week probably, but here's what I ate today:

a ham sandwich around 11:30
lots of coffee
a bowl of cereal with skim milk at 4:00
a chicken sanwich with garlic mayo and pickles at 9:15 pm
Lots of Crystal light and water


Must make better choices tomorrow. 

On another blog tonight I read something that brought up so much for me. 
It's funny (not) how words can continue to hurt years and years later. 
When I was in my twenties I dated a guy (for way too freaking long) that thought I could maybe lose a few pounds.  What I did lose was him, THANK GOD, but it still hurts sometimes.

Back at Square One

I'm really disappointed in myself right now.  I am fatter than ever with absolutely zero motivation to do anything about it.   Looking at pictures of myself at a healthy weight and now does nothing to make me want to change.  I might think about it first thing in the morning, but later in the day I have no will power.  It's like I forget I'm fat. 

Right now I'm thinking I might start journaling, but that always gets to be a drag.  I need to really explore the reasons I eat crap, don't go to the gym, and say yes to Frosty's.

Reading an earlier post from December 2009 abouth the reasons I want to lose weight helped.  I was in a great frame of mind then and really motivated.  Number 5 makes me smile.  Robbie apologized later and he was so innocent, FB is crazy like that.   He was so sweet and he didn't think I was fat at all.  It was completely misunderstood.  I had forgotten that!